Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
