So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
