im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
