You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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