I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
