I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
