Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
