This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
