Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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