you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
