I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
