Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
one might say we're banned from that church
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
