Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
