Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
