in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
