1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
