it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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