Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
