you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
