My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
