You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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