i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
