maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
