I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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