Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
