To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
