so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
