You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
