I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
