Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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