i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
