Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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