There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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