please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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