I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
