I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
