Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
