I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
