Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
