I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
