I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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