What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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