he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
