Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
