I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
