We won't sleep together?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
