I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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