apparently the secret to your success is patron
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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