Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
