I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
