i just wanna soil my oats bro
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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