sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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