I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
